Like charity, exploitation begins at home. Mothers are the first and the worst victims at home. They love us unconditionally so they pay a price for it. In the good old days, a girl child was a great help for mothers. She would help the mother in the household work till she got married. Later the daughter-in-law filled the void.
Today, parents want the girl child to be educated and employed. So mothers prefer to keep daughters out of the kitchen. Their common refrain is “I wasn’t encouraged to study or go for a job. At least our daughters should achieve what we didn’t”. Thus mothers have dug their own grave.
Today mothers don’t have anybody to help at home. Say for example, a daughter goes to work in the evening, comes back early in the morning, sleeps through the day like a log. The mother waits all along to feed the log. The daughter wakes just in time to get fresh and rush to office. She throws tantrums about the lack of variety/taste and goes off without eating. At weekends, daughter needs ‘space’ to catch up with friends and sleep. So mother has no respite at weekends. We sacrifice our sleep when we have deliverables at office. But given a choice between sleep and helping mom, we prefer to sleep!
Why are we so insensitive? At work, we are very American in our attitude, outfits, accent, etc. We are individualistic and independent in taking decisions. We don’t want mothers to advice or meddle in our life. But at home, we are like parasites; we extract maximum out of our ageing mothers. Mothers slog to fulfil our needs. Sometimes they do plead for our help. But our schedules are so tight, that we hardly have to time for them. So back pain, headache, sleepless night, viral fever or whatever, the mother is right there on right time, i.e., kitchen factory. We are not bothered about their problems as long as our needs are met. In contrast, just watch how the mother reacts when we are sick. She will try all concoctions to soothe us.
A mother would sacrifice her comfort, sleep and entertainment for her child even if it is mentally challenged. On the contrary, an aged mother with slight wavering thought is labelled as a mental case and packed off to old age home or elsewhere. It’s like a cattle sent to a slaughter house when it stops giving milk.
I don’t say we are totally indifferent to our mothers. We must thank US President Woodrow Wilson who signed a resolution in the year 1914 for having a dedicated Mother’s Day which has been a great use for us. We can shower “Mother’s Day” gifts on mom. Giving mamools to postman, housemaid, etc., is customary. So mothers get nominated as one of those ‘service provider’ category and earn a gift. Being insensitive to the mothers’ daily needs and giving gifts on “Mothers Day” is of no use.
May be someday we may realise how cleverly we have exploited our mothers and may feel sorry for them. But it would be like getting wise too late. May be too late to say sorry. We can only hope that our apologies reach her grave and she forgives us.
2 comments:
Totally agree!! Its women at home in general – could be mother, wife, etc. In today’s world, we expect women to work contribute equally to the household income. We all have aspirations – sedan cars, independent houses, laptops, iphones, clothes from Allen Solly/Van Huesen, Fossil watch, etc. Single income is insufficient. But when it comes to sharing household chores there seems to be unequal distribution – we don’t want to contribute 50% there for a fear that it will soon increase to 75% and maybe 100%. So which means if the woman comes home late from work or is working extended hours at home, then the chores is left for her to complete after completing office duties. A common scene in most houses is the man saying, “Leave it aside, I will do it later” – which means if you want me to do it, then it will get done later at my convenience and if you want it now, please do it yourself.
Everyone at home seems to be throwing their tantrums. Children wanting their favourite pasta, noodles, and ice-cream. In-laws/parents/husbands having their own preferences – only cappuccino coffee for breakfast, a particular curry accompanying particular rice. We go to the extent of saying, “If you can’t make this curry then don’t make a particular kind of rice”.
We men praise our colleagues/friends who put in 16 hours at work and then sleep for the remainder 8 hours. But if our own wives are slogging for 16 hours and sleeping for 4 days and juggling household chores for the remainder 4 hours, it seems that wives are unable to manage their workload or they don’t devote enough time to the house and children. Mind you, the wife is still expected to contribute to our income, work only 8 hours despite the workload and no one seems to think of her office situation/competition/politics, etc. That’s her problem. We don’t miss out on chance to point her flaws – not sat with children for their homework, not played with children, food not cooked on time, the sink dirty, the clothes on the bed, etc.
Of course, we men do a lot of work driving around – picking wife/dropping children, doctor’s visit, picking clothes from the laundry etc. for which we do make it known to all that we are doing the driver’s job. But a wife expressing that they are tired of working in kitchen is taken as an offence. We want them to entertain our friends, cousins, uncles and aunts and cook food for all of them. But one visit from our in-laws seems to be burdensome that despite our parent staying with us and our wives getting along with them despite all their plus and minus.
This comment is of course highly self-opinionated like you claim your blogs are. We may still accept our mother despite her flaws and ask for forgiveness for our mistakes. But wife of a decade old is definitely not worthy anything!!
STRONG COMMENT!! Appreciate it!!
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