SHAADI AAJ KAL

Once upon a time men got everything on a platter. First, the doting mothers pampered and served them. Post marriage, they got another server in the form of a wife. Perhaps, women were conditioned to serve their husbands. So they would start off right from the first night. A familiar ‘first night’ scene would go somewhat like this. The hubby will be waiting on the decked up bed. The bride comes in a veil with a glass of milk and fruits. He drinks it and pounces. Thus the roll of a wife began. She would serve food and beverages, wash his dirty linen, pick his socks, stitch buttons, produce children and so on.

Anyway, the patriarchal system is slowly fading. Today, man can no longer spread out in front of TV and expect things to fall his way. He may say “Am not a foodie. I can manage with Dal and rice”. For that, his lady would come up with a disclaimer “don’t expect this (dal and rice) from me”. Thus begins his Bon Appetite with Maggie, pasta, bread and omelette. Earlier, the man had to just imagine a delicacy, and his lady would spread it out for him. Today, if a man allows his imagination to run amuck, all his lady would say is “I don’t know” or “do it yourself” or does it with 524 words of cribbing which makes it hard to swallow.

There would be occasions when the lady, brimming with love, would think of serving “home-made” stuff like say pani-puri”. It comes with a rider though. He gets puris after a 4 kms ride and pani is (sometimes) homemade. Sometimes it is: “I will make rice, you get dal from outside”. But before going out to get dal, you ought to wake her up.

The husband’s entertainment quotient gets tested when his wife plans for a movie. He books the ticket, drives about 30 kms both ways and gropes his way to get her a popcorn during intermission and after all that, he is expected to be have a pro-active debate on the script, screenplay, etc., before going to bed.

Today the hubby is expected to keep his expectations at ‘size zero’ and meet expectation of his wife which is like a bottom-less pit. You take her to the awesome Mount Opera, she would publicly flog you for not taking her to Golconda Fort. Take her to Shoppers Stop she remains unfulfilled for not taking her to Monda Market. Take her to General Bazar, her mind would be plotting to shop at the dingy lanes of old city next time.

Well, now the big question is, when to start a family. Here again she would say “not now darling”. And by the time she takes a decision, your sewerage would be choking with latex.

P.S. What I have stated is about an emerging trend. Personally, I feel a husband should be self-reliant. He should be able to cook, wash his own clothes and contribute equally in all aspects.

FRISKING ANGELINA JOLIE

The response to the detention of Shahrukh Khan (SRK) at Newark Airport is funny. I&B Minister Ambica Soni came up with “tit for tat” policy, i.e., we must also frisk their VIPs. But Ambica Soni’s “tit-for-tat” response shot up SRK's testosterone levels. He twittered that he can be called in to frisk actors Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox when they visit India.

I wonder whether he would get an opportunity to get close enough to frisk Angelina or any American actor whenever they visit India. Fans, politicians, security men and mediamen fall over each other whenever any ‘angrez’ lands in India. Our officials may also ensure that they come through without any security check.

Firstly, we bend rules to please the ‘angrez’ and when they frisk our “VIPs”, we crib. But who is stopping us from frisking them. The problem is with us and not with them (US). We are starry eyed. Our security personnel will go down to any extent while dealing with laymen. But they have a tendency to let off VIPs or film stars without the mandatory security drills.

Sometimes they frisk male visitors only. This selective screening is obvious while driving through Army areas. Mostly, civilians have to prove their identity. Anybody in Army uniform goes unchecked. Cars with “Army” sticker gets through easily. What more, the soldier at the post salutes the person in the car assuming him as an officer!

We don't get a sense of security at Railway stations. Leave alone frisking, policemen can be seen reading newspapers or chatting. We are lucky that Railway stations are rarely targetted by terrorists.

These double standards in security measures will cost us dearly. Now that well-heeled and highly educated men and women from all religions have joined the ranks of terrorists, it is time for us to shed the policy of selective frisking.

MAKE KIDS THRASH-FREE

The toddler had reportedly more than 50 injuries at the time of death. Two days before the baby died, he had a broken back, fractured ribs and was paralysed from the waist down. He had been punched so hard that he swallowed a tooth. The subsequent neck injury that affected his breathing was probably the fatal blow.

Among his other injuries, the baby's ears were torn, fingernails and fingertips were missing and his lips were ripped.

Perhaps death was better option than prolonged suffering for the 17 month old kid who bore the brunt of his brutal mother whose pastime was reportedly drinking alcohol, net surfing and pornography.

Though most of us would not thrash our kids to that extent, we do indulge because we think intimidation is the best way to handle kids.

I feel, thrashing kids reflects lack of time management and inability to handle our kid. We live amidst stress, time constraints, television, newspaper, networking, and so on. So if the kid comes in between, it gets thrashed.

For instance, a mother had brought the kid to play near the tank bund lake park. As she got busy on her mobile, the kid climbed the railing and was just a couple of seconds away from plunging into the water, 100 feet below. Fortunately, somebody grabbed the boy to safety in the nick of time. So how does the mother react? She thrashes the boy – perhaps to cover up her negligence. One would hardly expect a kid to know the consequences of jumping into the water.

I ask, do we need to beat our kids at all. We do not dare to beat just about anybody if they annoy or irritate us? Then why should we beat kids when they irritate us. Is it because we are stronger than them or is it because they are helpless and dependent on us.

If you can make your kid understand what should or should not be done without shouting or beating, then you can rate yourself for good parenting skills. Of course, even the best of kids tend to be stubborn or cranky at times. But still if you can bring the kid out of that loop - without beating or shouting - then you can rate yourself one scale higher.

Let us give kids independence from parental or rather “in-house thrashing”.

In London, a toddler's mother and her lover were jailed in May over the death of 17-month-old toddler in 2007.

HEY! GIRLS ARE WATCHING

A survey claims that men spend almost a year of their lives ogling at women. The average man spends almost 43 minutes a day staring at 10 different women. That adds up to 259 hours- almost 11 days – each year, making a total 11 months and 11 days between the ages of 18 and 50. Women sneak a peek at six men for just over 20 minutes a day, on average. That adds up to almost six months spent admiring men from afar, the survey says.

That is an interesting statistics of men watching ‘statistics’ around them. Everywhere you can see man’s ‘x-ray eyes’ rolling over women of all ages. A man, even as he is dancing with his wife or girlfriend, would be busy watching other women in the discotheque. Of course, the sizzling babes with plunging necklines and shrinking hemlines would not mind that extra attention.

Now, men have more than ‘statistics’ to watch. Diaphanous, shrinking and clinging outfits has brought everything out of the closet. Girls make a lot of eye contact. They also make sure that they are being watched. It appears that they want good things in life too soon. Good. No issues. It gives ample scope for guys to flaunt, brag, impress and woo girls. Almost everybody has e-mail and mobile. So conveying your interests is not an issue. Looking at the trend now, the same survey in a few years from now, will bring out something interesting. Women will spend more than 43 minutes a day staring at 20 different men. So guys, watch out. Girls are watching.

Well, the interesting part of the survey is women taking a peek at six men for just over 20 minutes a day. That is a great deal of improvement. In my college days, girls were draped from hair to toe. There was more to imagine than peek. Girls never looked at boys (at least it appeared to us like that). It was a Herculean task to grab attention of girls. Chasing those “never been kissed” or rather “never want to be kissed” was miserable. We kept chasing them like dogs till they got married to someone else. The problem was, firstly, you never knew whether they will ever look at you. Even if they looked, you cannot say it for sure. Even if they looked at us, it was for about a micro second. Even before we could smile, froth or say ‘Ati kya Khandala” they were gone. Moreover, girls were not accessible. E-mails, mobiles were not so prevalent. We had to convey our emotional verses or poems in writing through common friends. It often fell into the wrong hands. So what seemed to be a happening affair ended without happening. There were many who ended up with poems and not girls. I don’t know about Vajpayee.

DO WE NEED KIDS?

There are parents who give their time, money and energy to bring up their children. But I am provoked to write this piece looking at the plight of children whose parents have apparently lost focus on their children due to vested interests. So one is forced to ask: Do we - the present age parents - really need to have kids? Honestly, the answer is no. We are not meeting the expectations of our kids, either consciously or unconsciously. For instance, the scenes at the play schools reflect the harsh realities. Kids with abnormalities, communication problems, aged less than two years are dumped in the school. Worse still, some of the parents don’t even bother to pick their kids up in time. You can see these kids waiting near the school gate with eyes wide open and looking forlornly…. “Has mom forgotten me?”
Indeed most of the kids have some kind of abnormalities - psychological or physiological. Parents would know better if they look into the eyes of their kids, listen to their words, experience their pain, discomfort, angst, likes, dislikes and basic needs and fulfil it with soothing words, hugs, kisses and bond with them. It helps kids, to a large extent, to grow out of their inhibitions. But the problem is, we don’t know what our kids want or expect from us. We don’t know when or what to feed and when they need to sleep and rest. Wonder how many mothers today can plan “nutritious and edible” diet for their kids? We are zealous, innovative and sometimes even ready to go overboard in office work just to please our boss. But when it comes to pleasing our kids, we are clueless. Is it because we don’t get paid for it?
Today the tendency is to dump the kids in school. Parents, especially mothers, want to get detached from kids as soon as possible so that they can pursue their career goals. So we come across a mother who hands over her one year old happy and jovial child to a relative for fifteen days. No wonder, the kid comes back traumatised.

Kids want to spend time with us. But we have our own agenda – careers, ambitions, hobbies, shopping, parties, movies, etc. We don’t want to sacrifice anything for the sake of kids. When they want to play, eat and sleep with us in our sweet home, we expose them to heat, dust, and polluted streets. So we can come across scenes like - infants at late night music concerts, hot coffee getting spilled on an infant at a restaurant and on.
Fathers, as usual, are busy with job, newspaper, television and of course networking on mobile phone. Now mothers also want to do something more and different. Perhaps, most of them think spending time with kids is like getting ‘stuck’ at home. They are eager to impose ready made baby food so that they can easily get detached with kids. We are into the business of making money. And as working parents we have the ability to provide junk food, material things or buy anything under the sun for our kids. But what we cannot give is, time for kids.
For us, having kids is obligatory due to pressure from peers and elders. So we have them. But we have failed as parents. Kids need us. We don’t bother. They cry, crib and crank to get attention. But we impose television, junk food and material things on them. We want our kids to grow fast and get independent faster. When they want to talk to us we silence or don’t listen to them. After all their efforts to bond with us fail, they too start drifting away from us. They stop responding to us. They don’t listen to us. Then we complain that kids don’t respect us. Life comes to a full circle. We get the taste of our own medicine.
In short, we, the present generation of parents, have not only lost an opportunity to see our kids grow but are possibly now breeding a generation of brats with psychological disorders, deprived of love and what not! It was our choice and decision to bring them into this world. They are dependent on us. But we have LET THEM DOWN.
We show a great deal of empathy for movies like “Tare Zameen Par” and “Slumdog Millionaire” But let me tell you, I feel so depressed looking at the way kids are treated today that they appear to me more or less like “slumdogs”.

POLICE VERIFICATION FOR PASSPORT

Generally, a Passport in India is issued after “Police Verification”. This ‘verification’ comes with a price. With a few exceptions, the policeman who visits houses to verify passport applications expects a ‘mamool’ (money). Though two documents for proof of address and one for proof of age are sufficient, he usually prods for ‘some more proof’. A ‘mamool’ is enough to put an end to his ever growing demand for ‘more proofs’. It is said that there are policemen who demand a ‘fixed amount’. The ‘fixed amount’ varies depending on the area you stay. He may not accept a penny less.

This is one of the few occasions when law-abiding citizens come face to face with policemen. If these policemen demand 'mamool', the reputation of police department will erode rapidly. Can’t the police department send persons with high level of integrity, at least for Passport verification. Honest and law abiding citizens feel harassed by this ‘mamool’ oriented policemen whereas anti social elements take advantage of this system to obtain fake passports.

POURING ON THE WALL

A law has been introduced in India to penalise people who smoke in public. But the biggest public menance - more than smoking - is men urinating on walls. This is prevalent all over the country. The worst part is that, in India, one has to pay money to urinate in a clean public toilet in a civilised way. Whereas, those who urinate in public and raise a stink don't have to pay anything.

If we make a law to penalise people urinating in public, the money so collected can be utilised to maintain and build more public toilets.

WOMEN ON THE STREETS

If a BPO lady employee on night shift is murdered, media speaks about lack of security for women and often they blame the employers for not taking enough precautions/security measures to protect the lady employees. Recently, when a lady journalist of Headlines Today who had left office around 3 am was murdered, they dedicated the entire day to blame the police and politicians.

We all know that women are not safe in our cities even in broad day light. Then, how did HT allow its lady employee to leave office at 3 am without any security?